Always & Forever
by Kogan4Life
Summary: Kendall and Logan have been dating for 2 months now, and finally decide to go public, but when they do will it ruin everything? Its better than you think! KOGAN! SLASH!
1. Chapter 1 Coming Out

**This us my first Fan Fiction, so I'm sorry if it sucks. And by the way, this will NOT BE A ONE SHOT. This will probably consist of 10 or more chapters.**

Today was like any other day. The Big Time Rush boys, did harmonies, worked on dance routines, got yelled at Gustavo, ate, then fell asleep.

'_What am I going to do. God. Why the hell is this so confusing.' _Logan and Kendall have been dating for 2 months now. They haven't told anyone, but Camille and Jo. (their covers) They haven't even told Mrs. Knight or their best friends! Logan was sitting quietly in his room. '_I have to tell James and Carlos.' 'What if they hate me and Kendall though' _So many thoughts where running through his head. Kendall walked into their shared bedroom and saw that Logan was sitting In the corner. Crying.

"Logan, baby, what's wrong"

Silence.

"Logan, please tell me what's wrong."

"Wh-wh- what if C-Carlos and and James hate us, once we tell them." Logan said, still trying to catch his breath.

"They won't Logie. When do you want to tell them?"

"I think we should tell them soon, maybe even tell them tomorrow. I can't stand keeping this from them. But, If you don't want to tell them, I Und-" Logan was stopped mid sentence when Kendall smashed his lips against Logan's. Their lips fit together perfectly, almost like two matching puzzle pieces.

"I'll do whatever makes you happy, Logie."

Kendall held Logan tight in his arms as they drifted to sleep.

The next morning Logan woke up in Kendall's arms. He carefully got out of Kendall's grasp. It was their day off, and he didn't want to wake Kendall. Logan looked at his watch. '_11:30 already?' 'Maybe I should wake Kendall, so he doesn't waste his day off sleeping..' _But before Logan knew it, a set of arms was wrapped around him

"Good morning Logie-bear" Kendall said as he kissed Logan on the cheek.

"Good morning" Logan said. Even with morning hair, Logan still though Kendall was beautiful beyond compare.

"What are we doing today?" Kendall asked with his arms still wrapped around Logan's waist."

"Telling James and Carlos about us."

Kendall knew that Logan wasn't making even the smallest joke about that.

"Okay. Let's tell them now."

'Wait, now!" Logan was nervous.

"We don't have to if you don't want to Logan, but it's better sooner than later."

Logan hesitated then grabbed Kendall's hand and led him out of the bedroom.

It looked as if they had gotten to the living room right in time. James and Carlos where about to head out to the pool, and Mrs. Knight was washing dishes in the kitchen

"Mom, James, Carlos. Me and Logan, um, have something to tell you."

"Can this wait? I have to get my daily tanning session in." James said impatiently.

"um, ya I guess it c-" Logan was cut off by Kendall.

"No Logan, it can wait." Kendall said.

" Please guys, It'll only take 2 seconds."

James Carlos and Mrs. Knight stood silent, motioning Kendall and Logan to go on.

Kendall intertwined his fingers into Logan's. "Me and Logan are in love."

Mrs. Knight dropped the handful of dishes in her hand to the floor, causing them all to break.

Carlos started laughing. Which made Logan almost tear up.

"Nice one guys. You had me going there for a second." Carlos said, still laughing.

Kendall and Logan just stood there, hands still intertwined, with serious looks.

"You guys are kidding. R-right?" James said

Carlos' laughing immediately stopped laughing.

"Prove it!" Carlos said, hoping It was a prank.

Kendall grabbed Logan's shirt and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Mrs. Knight made an 'aww' face. James and Carlos stood there. Jaws dropped. In absolute shock.

"Great! Our 2 best friends are a couple of fags." James screamed.

"What the hell did you just call us?" Kendall was pissed.

"Oh you didn't hear me the first time? I called you two FAGS." James said

Logan held Kendall back as He lunged for James. As James and Kendall where screaming at each other, they had failed to see Logan standing there. Sobbing.

Kendall went over to Logan.

"C-Carlos? Do you think that too?" Logan said through his tears

Carlos looked at Logan in fury. "Ya, I do. Why would you wait so long to tell us this!"

Carlos didn't wait for an answer. James and Carlos where already out the door. Logan fell to the floor. Crying his eyes out.

"Logie. Please don't cry." Kendall said with a look of concern on his face.

Mrs. Knight went over to Logan, and knelt down.

"Honey, look at me." Mrs. Knight said to Logan.

Logan slowly looked up at her. "You hate us too, don't you.."

"No! I could never hate you. I am immensely happy for you two! I'm going to talk some sense into James and Carlos. I love you like a son Logan." "And Kendall, you know you can tell me anything. You should have told me sooner. I would've understood."

"I know that now .I love you mom." Kendall said.

"Now get Logan to the couch or a bed. I doubt he's very comfortable on the floor." Mrs. Knight said.

Kendall did as told and carried Logan over to the couch. Logan was still sobbing.

"Logie, I love you."

Logan looked up at Kendall

"I-I l-love you too, K-Kendall." Logan burried his head into Kendall's chest, and slowly fell asleep. The two boys slept there curled up together.

**Hope you liked it!**

**What's going to happen to the friendship between the 4 boys?**

**You'll have to find out next time. I will update as soon as I get some reviews, just to make sure people are reading this haha :)**


	2. Chapter 2 Ridicule

**The beginning is kinda just a filler, but please just get through it cuz its worth it near the end! ****J **

**Disclaimer: I Don't own BTR. But a girl can dream right?**

Logan awoke in his bedroom completely unaware of how had gotten there in the first place. He remembered he had fallen asleep on the couch. Suddenly all of the events that occurred earlier that day came flooding back to him. Logan held back tears and got up. _'I wonder what time it is..' _Logan checked his phone _'6:30 already. Damn' _Logan noticed that Kendall was no longer with him. Just, then Kendall walked into the room, with a towel around his waist. Assuming Kendall has just taken a shower, Logan said "Um, do you w-want me to turn around?"

"Logie, It's not like you've never seen me naked. You've seen me multiple times in the hockey lockers. Just because we're dating shouldn't make you nervous."

But, it did make Logan nervous. _'Why am I all of a sudden nervous to see Kendall'_ He didn't even finish his thought as he eyed Kendall rip the towel off his waste. Logan bit his lip. Kendall slowly pulled up his boxers and his grey skinny jeans. '_Fuck! Why, is he so attractive!'_ Kendall slowly buttoned up his blue flannel shirt. Kendall knew how much of a tease he was being. And, he loved every minute of it.

"Hey, Kendall?' Logan asked

"Ya?" Kendall said, fiddling with the top button on his shirt.

"Are, um, um, James and, um Carlos home?"

"Ya, they're watching T.V."

Kendall plopped down next to Logan on his bed.

"Would you like to go to the Palm Woods park with me?" Kendall asked. Kendall looked as if he was asking Santa for a new puppy.

"Why?"

"To get away from this, the ridicule we have in our own home. And plus, It would be nice to be alone with you" Kendall pulled his crooked smile on me. He knows I can never resist nor say no to him when he pulls that.

"I would love to go with you."

Kendall and Logan walked out of their room and into the living room.

"Kendall, Logan.." James started

"We've heard enough from you two." Logan snapped. Logan rarely raised his voice, but when he did, you know you've done something almost unforgivable.

Logan grabbed Kendall's hand and practically dragged him out the door. Logan and Kendall walked to the Palm Woods Park holding hands, laughing and sharing innocent kisses. The laughter had stopped as other laughing fits started. Almost the whole Palm Woods Park was pointing and laughing as the gay couple where together. At first they ignored it and went on as usual. But, more and more people joined in. People who they thought where their friends started to laugh…

* Back with James and Carlos*

"Dude, we messed up big time." Carlos said

"No duh!" "Why the hell did we react that way! God, I hate myself!" James yelled.

"_I've got to make this up to them!' _James thought to himself. Before he knew it, he was out the door and on his way to the Palm Woods Park. When he got there, he saw people pointing and laughing. At first, he was confused. Then he realized who the ridicule was directed at. James started walking towards them…

*Back With Logan and Kendall*

Logan couldn't take it any longer. He got up and ran. Ran to their apartment. Ran into his and Kendall's bedroom. Locked his door and cried.

*Back at the Palm Woods Park*

Kendall had to go after Logan. _'Why did everything have to go wrong! Logan. MY Logie doesn't deserve this' _A yell interrupted his thoughts. The voice was familiar It was James.

"Hey!' "Why don't you leave them alone! Love is love. Most of you are going to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your lives. So, Don't bashing on other people's happines!" Kendall couldn't stay to hear the rest. He had to go find Logan. When Kendall was back at the apartment he called for Logan.

"Logan! Logan?"

Kendall heard sobs coming from his and Logan's bedroom.

"Logie, please open the door. Let me in." Kendall's voice was quivering. He felt so bad for Logan.

The door slowly opened. Kendall enveloped Logan. He kissed his forehead.

"Why are people so mean?" Logan said after calming down

"Because some people don't know happiness."

After several minutes, they heard a knock on their door.

"We need to talk"

It was James and Carlos.

Kendall opened their door.

"What?" Kendall's voice was mean and sharp.

"We are so sorry" Carlos said

"We where stupid idiots. We where just shocked" James said

"And scared that you may of changed" Carlos said.

"But, we see that you didn't We understand if you don't want to forgive us though" James said.

Silence.

"I can't stay mad at you guys!" Logan said breaking the silence.

"Forgiveness Kendall?" Carlos said hopeful

"You guys are my bro's I can't hate you!" Kendall chuckled

"For the rest of the night they where laughing, hanging out and being friends again.

The buds where back to normal.

**YAY HAPPY ENDING!But angst/heartbreak/FLUFF comes up next J**

**Sorry it was such a crap ending**

**Hey, I would really appreciate if you guys could give me some ideas J**


	3. Chapter 3 It Never Ends

**Hey guys! I know I haven't been using Point of views. But I'm going to start. So I'm sorry if this confuses you :/ Also. This is basically an intro chapter leading into chapter four. :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR. Or anything else related to them. I own posters though! ****J**

_Everyone was staring me. At us. They where laughing. I was wondering why. Then I noticed Logan's hand intertwined into mine. I held it tightly. People where still staring, pointing, laughing, whispering into each other's ears. When I looked at Logan he seemed fine. But, when I looked closer, he was transparent. He was slowly disappearing into thin air. People continued to laugh. _

"_Logan!" I screamed._

_He looked at me with his big brown eyes watering, before he fully disappeared._

"_Logie.." I whispered through the tears._

*Kendall's POV*

"Kendall!" The voice was familiar

"Kendall wake up!" It was Logan. My eyes fluttered open

"Hmm." I groaned.

"You where screaming. My name. It sounded like you where in pain."

"Oh." I trailed off. I didn't want to talk about my dream. I barely even knew what it meant.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Logan asked. He seemed pretty groggy himself

"Nah. It wasn't that bad." I wasn't very convincing.

"Kennnn-Dolllll" Ugh. I hated when he said that. He only ever called me "Ken-Doll" when he wanted something from me..or I didn't give him something he wanted.

"Trust me. It wasn't that bad, now go back to bed."

"Fine. But, no going back to bed. It's 11 and Gustavo want's us in the studio by 12."

I groaned. I really didn't feel like dealing with Gustavo today.

_*****_James' POV* (2 Hours Earlier)

Apparently, I woke up before anybody. The house was completely silent. Which is pretty rare when Carlos is around. I looked down at the sleeping ball of energy. _'He's so adorable when he's sleeping' 'Woah, Where the hell did that come from. I am not a f- I mean, I am not gay.' 'But he does look adorable'_ I went to go take a shower. Wrapped up in my thoughts about Carlos I realized I forgot to grab a towel.

"Fuck!" "How am I supposed to towel dry, then blow dry my hair without a towel!"

I ran to the bedroom to grab a towel to wrap around my waist. But I had failed to notice that Carlos was awake.

"Um. Good Morning James?" Carlos was holding back his laughter I could tell.

I quickly wrapped the towel around my waist. I sped out of the room. I mean, I know he's seen me naked before but, why was he laughing. I was getting…Self Conscious. James Diamond NEVER gets self conscious .

'_Do I have a crush on Carlos?'_

*Carlos' POV*

I woke up to the sound of the shower running. I looked at the clock. '_Who the hell wakes up at 9 in the morning on a SATURDAY!" 'Must be James. I don't know why he tries so hard to look pretty, he looks sexy with any work at all.' 'Wait, What did I just say? Or Think?' 'What the-'_ My mouth gaped open as I saw James storm into the room butt naked. James didn't notice me eyeing him, but before I knew it, I was laughing. For no reason.

"Um. Good Morning James?" Trying to hold back laughter. '_Stop Laughing! Stop laughing!'_

James ran out of the room. Usually, I don't feel bad when I laugh at someone, even If it was about nothing at all. _'So why did I feel so guilty about James. Why did I call him sexy..' _

_Do I have a crush on James?'_

*Time Skip. 2 Hours later* *Kendall's POV*

"Okay Nothing Even Matters from the Top!" Gustavo yelled.

Cause the world stops

When I put my armsaround you,

around you (Oh whoa)

Nothing even matters (eh)

Nothing even matters

It's like 1 for the haters,

2 for all of those

who try to shut us down

They don't really know

There ain't nothing

They can do to tear us apart (no)

I don't care about the money

don't care about the clothes

When we're together..

"No. Stop it. Stop there" Gustavo yelled.

"Did we do something wrong?" Carlos asked

I saw James glare at Carlos _'What the hell is going on with those two'_

"Not you three. The small dog." He pointed to Logan

"M-me? What did I do?"

"That was terrible! A monkey, no a DOG could sing better than that. That was the worst I've ever heard a person sing!"

Logan was starting to tear up. With all the ridicule lately, he probably couldn't take it.

"Hey! Big lard! Don't talk to Logan that way! He was good and you know it!"

"Oh look at that. Logan's _boyfriend_ is standing up for him. Because Logan can't function without Kendall"

I knew Gustavo didn't know we were dating, but that was the last straw.

'You know what Gustavo. Fuck you! You have no right to be mean to Logan. And you know what! Me and Logan are dating. Suck on that!"

I stormed out leaving a room filled with silence and dropped jaws. He had no right to be mean to Logan like that. I was speed walking down the hallway and out the door. I had never been this pissed in my life. Suddenly, I felt 2 arms wrap around my neck

"Kendall.."

"Logie, I know what I did was probably wrong and over the line, but I hate it when people make fun of you.."

"I understand. Gustavo hasn't said a word though. Kelly tried shaking him, but he didn't say anything. So we just left." Logan's voice was extremely happy. I was glad.

*Time Skip. 30 Minutes. Back at the palm woods*

*Still Kendall's POV*

"Hey look it's the fags who cheated on their girlfriend'!" A boy yelled.

'_What. I don't even have a girl- Fuck! I forgot about Jo. She was my cover up and I forgot to fake break up with her.' _I heard Jo's voice.

"Everybody! Me and Kendall where never dating! Neither was Camille or Logan. We where there covers. So please don't spread rumors!"

Jo was a great friend

"So they lied to us multiple times!" another voice screamed.

Suddenly, items where being thrown at us. Anything that was in their hands, was now heading towards us. I grabbed Logan and ran into our apartment. Logan was crying. I had to stay strong.

'_Was this ever going to end?' _


	4. Chapter 4 I'm Sorry1st Part

**I AM SOOOO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED! I've had bad writers block.**

**Most of this chapter will be in Logan's POV :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. But would I own them if I kidnapped them? …. Hypothetically of course…**

**READ BEFORE STARTING:**

**Okay, so this is Logan's point of view for this chapter. The next chapter is going to be Kendall's point of view of this chapter. :D**

*****Kendall's POV*

'_Was this ever going to end?' _I held Logan tightly. Tears flowing from Logan's eyes. It was heartbreaking to see him like this. I felt a tear go down my cheek. _'Man up Kendall! Be strong for Logan.'_ I sucked up my tears and just held him. Eventually the heavy breathing and the tears stopped as Logan slowly fell asleep. I slowly fell asleep after. Swallowing my tears as I entered the bliss of dream world.

*Logan's POV*

*Time Skip-3 am.*

I woke up, with a groggy feeling. I looked to where Kendall was when I fell asleep. He wasn't there. _'Where's Kendall? What time is it? So. Tired' _I looked at my clock _'Where the fuck is Kendall at 3 in the morning!' _That's when I heard a noise from the living room. I went to go grab my pepper spray and a baseball bat, when I realized that the noise was somebody sobbing. I went to put the items down _'Logan, take the fucking pepper spray. It could be a trap. Traps are baaaadd.' _I crept out of my room into the living room. I dropped the pepper spray and ran to the couch as soon as I saw who was crying there.

"Kendall, what's wrong?"

Silence.

"Kenny, baby what's wrong?"

Kendall is never one to cry. I was getting worried.

"E-everything is my f-fault."

'What are you talking about Kendall?"

"All of the ridicule. T-T-The hurt. I'm supposed to protect y-you!"

"Kendall, it's not your fault that people aren't accepting or loving. And we protect each other!"

"IT"S ALL MY FAULT!" Kendall shook me hard. Kendall never snapped at me like that. Kendall's eyes where filled with rage. I must of looked terrified because Kendall loosened his gripped and started sobbing again. It was rare for Kendall to break down. So, I just held him there. Eventually, he got up and walked to the bedroom. I soon followed. But, I was scared for Kendall. He never broke down. Ever.

*Logan's POV*

*Time Skip-11:00 am*

*Setting Change-Rocque Records*

"Hey Kelly!" I said. I've always liked Kelly.

"Hey guys. So Gustavo is having _another_ breakdown. He just heard news that Hawk made a girl band. Nothing to worry about, but Gustavo thinks it's the end of the world" "But he is always one to, over react to everything."

"So what do you want us to do?" Kendall asked annoyed.

"Do we get to go bungee jumping!" Carlos seemed very excited about the idea we just proposed.

"Um no. Well, actually you can do whatever you want today. Since Gustavo is in no condition to try and record you guys, you get the day off"

'_Damnit. I wanted to get AWAY from the Palm Woods'_

"Wooh-hoo!" Carlos yelled directly in my ear. I cringed. Carlos yells to loud for his own good.

When we got back to the palm woods I went straight to apartment. To avoid all the haters. But, they can never be avoided. I was met with laughter and insults. Which just made me walk faster. When I got back to the apartment I ran to the couch. It was nice to be in the comfort of my own home. I didn't even notice Kendall walk in.

"Hey Kendo-" I was met with a pair of lips attached to mine, before I could even finish the sentence.

"Um Hi, Kendork" I slightly chuckled.

"Hey Logie-bear' That worried me. He always complained when I called him Kendork.

He kissed me again, but more passionately.

"I've got to go, I promised I would bring Katie to the mall. Love you." Kendall kissed me again, and left. It was like this for the next 2 weeks. Where Kendall would kiss me, then come up with some phony excuse, so he could leave. '_Was he mad at me, Does he not wanna be with me, is he cheating on me?"_ I gulped at the thought of the last one. I had to confront him.

*Time Skip-12:10 am*

I was sitting on my bed. Waiting for Kendall to enter. I needed to confront him. The door creaked open. Kendall came over to kiss me, but I pushed him away.

"Why didn't you let me kiss you?"

"Because you're just gonna leave again!"

"Logan, Where am I to go? It's midnight."

He had a point, but I didn't care.

"You always leave right after you kiss me! Are you mad at me?" I was surprisingly calm.

"No." Kendall's monotone answer annoyed me

"Are you cheating on me!" I was yelling.

"NO!"

"Do you, not want to be with me anymore?"

Silence

"Do. You. Not. Want. To. Be. With. Me?" My voice was no longer filled with anger, but sadness.

Kendall whispered something. But I didn't catch it.

"K-Kendall?" I was crying

"Yes." I could feel my heart shattering. '_Is he breaking up with me?'_

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Yes." Kendall's voice came out in a whisper

"Why? You're lying!"

"No. I'm not. I don't have feelings for you anymore. I only see you as a friend. I'm not gay. It was just hormones.""LIES!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you are!"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!" As soon as those words where out of his mouth I broke down. I stared at him. The tears where flowing freely. I ran. I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care. Kendall was my everything. And he broke my heart.

**This broke my heart to write this.**

**Will we find out why Kendall broke up with Logan**

**What will Logan do to himself?**

**Find out next time :)**


	5. Chapter 5 I'm Sorry2nd Part

**DON'T KILL ME! I'M SOOOO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED.**

**I got lazy. I promise I will update quicker (:**

**Kendall's POV on what happened last chapter. So some of it might be a little repetitive. **

**I don't own Big Time Rush blah blah blah**

**Now on to the story**

*Logan's POV*

Kendall was holding me tightly. The tears would just not stop. _'Why are people so mean.'_'_They use to be our friends'_ Sometimes I wish Kendall would just cry. I knew he wanted to be strong for me, but I felt like he felt he was obligated to always stay strong because he was the leader. I was to tired to think much more after that. I slowly fell asleep in Kendall's arms. With him, I felt safe. He is and always be my everything.

*Kendall's POV

*Time Skip-2:30 am*

I had been up for hours sitting in my bed. Watching. Watching Logan sleep. If I couldn't sleep I might as well watch somebody else do it. That's when all the thoughts all the memories I tried so hard to block out came back. I broke down. I didn't want to wake Logan, so I went out to the living room, hoping I would calm down. But I didn't. I was crying my eyes out. I never broke down. But this was about Logan. The love of my life. My soul reason to live. Logan was better off without me. Logan was slowly falling apart inside and It's my fault. _'Everything is your fault' _A voice in the back of my head said. But that small voice was right. I didn't deserve Logan. There was no way Logan would let me break up with him for that reason though. He would say that he wasn't hurting on the inside. That he didn't care. But he would. I care. I would rather have me in pain than my logie any day. It's the only way, isn't it? There is no way out other than to-. My thoughts where interrupted my the sound of footsteps running towards me. Logan.

"Kendall, what's wrong?" Logan's voice was calming.

No words could come out because my sobs kept interrupting.

"Kenny, baby what's wrong?"

'_Stop crying you idiot. Get a hold of yourself before you say something stupid'_

"E-everything is my f-fault!" I was screaming

'_To late'_

'What are you talking about Kendall?"

"All of the ridicule. T-T-The hurt. I'm supposed to protect y-you!"

"Kendall, it's not your fault that people aren't accepting or loving. And we protect each other!"

"IT"S ALL MY FAULT!" I shook him. Logan's eyes showed he was scared of me at that moment. I must've shook him to hard. I hurt him. It was also my fault. I loosened my grip. I didn't know what to do to myself so I ran back into the bedroom, where I started to sob violently again.

*Kendall's POV*

*Time Skip-11:00 am*

*Setting Change-Rocque Records*

"Hey Kelly!" Logan said. I hoped he forgot about last night.

"Hey guys. So Gustavo is having _another_ breakdown. He just heard news that Hawk made a girl band. Nothing to worry about, but Gustavo thinks it's the end of the world but he is always one to, over react to everything."

"So what are we supposed to do?" Apparently, my voice was over-annoyed because Kelly gave me a face that obviously meant 'Don't sass me'

"Do we get to go bungee jumping!" Carlos asks that every time and every time it gets more annoying.

"Um no. Well, actually you can do whatever you want today. Since Gustavo is in no condition to try and record you guys, you get the day off"

This made me pissed. I actually WANTED to be at the studio today. I didn't want to be at the palm woods. I wanted to get away from that, I wanted to get Logan away from that.

"Wooh-hoo!" Carlos screamed.

I slightly chuckled at his excitement. When we got back to the palm woods I distanced myself from Logan. But, it didn't work. We where met with words such as 'Fags.' 'Liars' 'Bitches'. I could see Logan's pain when I met his eyes. I had to distance myself from him. But at the same time, I wanted to be with him. So I came up with a plan.

"Hey Kendo-" Before Logan could even finish the sentence I met his lips with mine

"Um Hi, Kendork" Usually, I would get mad at him for saying that, but I only had so much time left.

"Hey Logie-bear' I kissed him passionately and came up with an excuse to distance myself

"I've got to go, I promised I would bring Katie to the mall. Love you."

I kissed him once more and walked out the door. Pain weld up in my heart. Tears began streaming down my face. I was never one to cry. But it hurt me to leave him even for a few minutes let alone hours. I did the same thing for 2 weeks. I hated this, but it was the only way. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.

*Time Skip-12:10am*

I came into mine and Logan's room. I went to kiss him for the last time. But he rejected me.

"Why didn't you let me kiss you?" I asked.

'_Logan please let me kiss you.' _I thought to myself.

"Because you're just gonna leave again!" He had caught on

"Logan, Where am I to go? It's midnight."

"You always leave right after you kiss me! Are you mad at me?" I was taken back by the question.

"No." I said as emotionless as I could, if not then I would've broken into tears again

"Are you cheating on me!" He was screaming at this point

"NO!" '_Don't show your emotion. You have to this to protect Logan'_

"Do you, not want to be with me anymore?"

What was I supposed to say?

"Do. You. Not. Want. To. Be. With. Me?" His voice was trembling.

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I love you Logie.' I whispered. Logan didn't catch it though. I'm glad he didn't

"K-Kendall?" To see Logan crying like that broke my heart, but it had to be this way.

"Yes" My heart broke.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Logan's voice croaked.

"Yes." I whispered. Fearing the tears.

"Why? You're lying!" '_Logan please don't do this'_

"No. I'm not. I don't have feelings for you anymore. I only see you as a friend. I'm not gay. It was just hormones." The pain struck through me as I said these words

"LIES!"

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you are!"

"I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!" I didn't mean to say it. But, he would be better off this way. I didn't deserve someone as amazing as him. I would love him for forever, but Logan didn't deserve the ridicule. Logan's pain stricken face. His eyes lacking emotion, is what hurt most. To see him like that. To see him sobbing right there in front of me. He ran. As much as I wanted to run after him, I couldn't. I lied down on my bed.

I felt something in my pillow case. I remembered I hid something there months before me and Logan even where a couple. It was a box. With a diamond ring inside. I had bought it hoping that one day Logan and I would be together. Although, I was to young to marry him, I planned on giving it to him the day he turned 18. I looked on the inside of the ring.

'_Always & Forever'_ was inscribed. Plans always change though, right? I still wanted to give it to him, but again, he is better off without me. I cried myself to sleep with the ring in hand, clinging to it for dear life.

"I'll always love you Logan. Always and forever" and with that I fell asleep.

**Another heartbreaking chapter to write.**

**The next chapter will be up soon I promise!**

**Remember, things have to get worse before they can get better.**

**:)**


	6. Chapter 6 Romantic Wells

**This chapter is going to be mainly Jarlos**

…**..Don't murder me for not updating sooner…**

**Blame Tumblr. It kept asking me to check it…**

**This chapter takes place the same day all the Logan and Kendall drama was going on.**

*James POV*

"Going to the pool!" I yelled.

I was hoping Carlos would want to come to. I needed to figure out if I really liked him. I gulped. More than a friend.

Carlos came speeding into the room.

"Can I go! Can I go!" Carlos acted like such a 5 year old sometimes. An adorable 7 year old. Without realizing it, I had slapped myself for thinking that. Carlos just gave me a strange look

"Ya, let's go".

"Um, James, why aren't there any people at the pool?"

"Uh, I have no idea." I seriously, had no idea what was going on.

I suddenly, heard a scream

"OH MY GOD IT'S DAK ZEVON!"

Me and Carlos both looked at each other

"Dak is here." We both said

"Looks like we have the pool to ourselves" I said to Carlos.

"CANNINBALL!" Carlos immediately jumped into the pool.

Carlos slowly got up out of the water and gave me the the thumbs up. That was the moment when I realized I was In love with Carlo Garcia.

"Come on! Get in the water is fine!"

I hesitated. Apparently, I hesitated a little to long because as soon as I knew it, two arms where pulling me in.

"Carlos!"

"What? You looked like you needed to cool off." He chuckled.

"Oh yeah? Well so do you!" I dunked him underwater.

Before we knew it, we where in a full on splash war. I grabbed Carlos shoulders and pulled him up to me, to splash him. Our lips where inches apart at this point. That's when I kissed him. The kiss didn't last long before I pulled away. Carlos' mouth was gaping open. I got out of the pool and ran before, I could be humiliated. '_Why did I do that' 'He's going to hate me now.' _

*Carlos' POV*

'_James kissed me…then ran.' _I felt my heart cave in. Whether from my own personal pain, or the pain that James must be going through. I had to talk to him. I got out of the pool and headed to 2J.

"Hey Carlos!" I heard Katie's voice coming from the couch. She was playing video games.

"Have you seen James?" I was hoping she wouldn't ask why. I didn't have time for questions.

"Ya, I did. He seemed pretty flustered when he came in. And before I could even say anything he ran out mumbling something about the well."

That's when it hit me. We had fallen into the well with Jordin Sparks and landed a song. Ever since James would kind of, hide out in there…I never understood how he got out.

"Kay Thanks Katie!" I ran out the door before she could ask any questions. As I was running to the well I kept chanting 'Gotta get to the well' It's just something I do when I need to get somewhere. And that's when I heard it.

"Any kind a guy you want, _boy_ that's the guy I'll be, turn my whole world around"

It was James voice. I've always admired his voice.

"James! James!" I yelled down the well.

The singing stopped.

"James, I know your down there, and if you don't come out I'm coming in"

I didn't give James time to answer, I jumped it, not knowing how to land. Well, I didn't get hurt the first time.

"Ow!" I yelped as I hit the hard ground.

"Are you okay?" James looked like he had saw a cat get run over.

I chuckled "Ya, I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about."

I knew James knew what I meant. He may act dumb, but he really isn't

"Oh, about that, I'm sorry, I shouldn't of do-"

I locked my lips on to James'. Tongues fighting for dominance.

I let go of James.

"J-James"

"I'm sorry I ran earlier."

"I'm sorry I let you get away."

"So are we, together now?" I asked

"If you want to be."

I smirked. "Why wouldn't I want to be?"

We shared one more kiss

"Hey, James?"

"Yes?"

"How _do_ you get out of here anyway?"

"Freight Train"

"Um, you do realize today is his day off, and won't be able to get us out till midnight, right?

"Oh. No. But you know what? I don't really mind."

"Why?"

"Because, I get to be alone with you."

That's when I realized, James really is perfect.

**Short chapter!**

******Okay, I realize this chapter sucked. **  


**I'll probably update again tonight (:**

**Review! **


	7. Chapter 7 Last Kiss

**You guys are totally aloud to hunt me down and shoot me. I haven't updated in 10 days, and I have no excuse other than "I was being lazy"**

**Well, anyway, here is the next chapter**

**Oh and for those of you who are reading my Jomille fic "A Perfect Match", It should be updated soon!**

*Logan's POV*

I awoke on top of the roof. I had wished for everything to be a dream. But I knew it wasn't. It couldn't be. The pain I felt inside was to unbearable to not be real. Me and Kendall's relationship will never be the same. The thought of his name made tears flood my eyes.

"I still love him." I whispered.

I checked my phone, which was now beeping.

_**5 new text messages:**_

_**Carlos:**_

"_Dude! Where are you! Why didn't you come home last night!"_

**James:**

"_Did something happen? Where are you? Are you okay?"_

**James:**

"_ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE!"_

**James:**

"_Come home! Where are you? What happened?"_

**Carlos:**

"_James is pulling his hair out dude! Where the hell are you!"_

_**32 Missed Calls.**_

**(15) James**

**(16) Mrs. Knight**

**(1) Carlos**

"_I should probably go home' _I thought as I texted James I was heading back now.

*Kendall's POV*

I decided to keep the break up on the down low for now. I didn't feel like being bombarded with questions. It still hurt. James and Carlos will eventually find out anyway. No need to worry them with it now.

"Hey Kendork!" James called as I walked into the kitchen area.

"Hey, um, have you, um, Logan?" I asked.

"He's on his way home right now." and with that, I walked out the door. I couldn't face Logan. I had to give him some time. I had to make sure he believed me. Even though I was lying.

*Logan's POV*

I walked slowly into 2J. Fearing Kendall may be inside and partially because I couldn't walk any faster. My body was sore from sleeping on the roof.

"Is anyone home?" I asked

I heard a scream. Not a shriek. A scream. Carlos toppled over me.

" I MISSED YOU!" Carlos yelled.

"Carlos! I was only gone for a night!" I said as I struggled to get out of Carlos' grasp.

"I told you he was okay!" Carlos yelled at James.

"I was still worried about you dude." James said while patting my shoulder.

"H-have you seen Kendall?"

"Yeah, he just left. You can go find him if you like"

"I'd rather not" I whispered.

"Hm really? Usually you're all over him, no offense or anything.." James quieted down. He obviously didn't know about the break up..

"None taken, well I'm going to go take a shower"

As soon as I said that, James and Carlos walked out the door. I had just came to realization that they had been wearing swim trunks. I walked into the bathroom to find James' lucky comb slightly hanging over the top of the medicine cabinet and Carlos' helmet on the ground right below it. '_I don't think I want to know what went on in here..' 'I should probably put James' comb away so nothing bad happens to it'_ I struggled to reach it, since I'm short, but I managed to climb up onto the counter to grab it. I grabbed it. I then slipped on the water that was on the counter all the way down to the ground. I heard a few cracks. Most people would be afraid that their bones where broken, but those aren't cracks you hear when you break a bone. They are cracks you hear when you break your best friends prized possession.' _Please don't be the comb. Please don't be the helmet' _I thought this over and over again. I tried to get up.

"OWWW" I yelped.

I looked down. I had broken the helmet alright. With. My. Ass.

"FUCK!"

'_Where is the comb..' _I looked at my hand, that was covered in blood. I had cut my hand on the sink on the way down, along with breaking the comb. James' lucky comb. '_Logan who the fuck cares' _The voice in my head was right. I shouldn't give a damn. So I dropped the stuff down and went to watch some tv.

*Time Skip-1 hour later.*

"Hey Logan!" James called from the doorway.

"Sup bro!" Carlos said following James.

"Just watching some Tv, ya know, chillin."

"Umm, okay, I'm going to, go um, comb my hair…" James gave Carlos a weird look. I let it go.

I heard a shriek come from the bathroom.

"LOGAN!" James came storming out with his lucky comb in one hand and multiple pieces of Carlos' helmet in another.

"What the fuck did you do!" James screamed.

"Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, I broke your guy's stuff. Sorry" The amount of sarcasm in my voice almost made me want to laugh.

Carlos walked into the room and headed straight for the helmet.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY HELMET?"

"I broke it, duh. Well, I didn't mean to. But no big deal, right?"

"It is so a big deal! My papa got me this when I was little!" Carlos snapped

"And this was my LUCKY COMB! Why don't you care!"

I plopped down on the couch. "Hmmm maybe because, I don't" I said back

James lost it.

"My god Logan! I don't know why Kendall puts up with you! I'm surprised he loves you! I'm surprised anyone loves you!" Carlos hit James.

"Dude, you don't say that to people even if you are pissed off" Carlos whispered.

"But what does it matter! Logie doesn't care about anything apparently!" James yelled.

Did I stop caring a long time ago? Did I not notice it? Is that why Kendall didn't love me? Did James know something? He was right. Kendall doesn't love me. Nobody does. I stood up straight. James still glaring at me. And I walked away. I needed out here before I broke. That's when Kendall walked through the door.

"Oh, hey g-" He looked at me. I looked at him. It was a never ending stare, until I broke it. I moved to the side and looked down.

"Where have you been?" James asked. Still obviously mad.

"I was hanging with Jo." Kendall said bluntly. '_Does he not realize I'm in the room?'_

"And not with _him?"_ James said my name very harshly. It was official. I was the most hated person in this room

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean James?" I finally snapped. Here comes my ending.

"Oh, don't act dumb Logan. I asked him why he wasn't with you."

"No shit, Sherlock! I was wondering why you said him like that"

"Oh I said it differently? I'm sorry!" His sarcasm was harsh

"My god James! Do you want me to say sorry? Fine sorry!"

"Apology NOT accepted. You shouldn't of acted like you didn't give a fuck when it first happened!"

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm having a bad day!" I looked at Kendall, who had his head down.

"Oh. What's wrong with perfect Logan Mitchell's life today! Did you get an A- on a test? Did you miss a tooth while flossing? What could possibly be wrong with Logan Mitchell!" James was furious.

I looked at Kendall who was still looking down.

"You wanna know what's wrong!"

"Yeah! What could be so wrong!"

I stood in silence.

"I knew nothing could be wrong with you!" James yelled. I couldn't take it.

"KENDALL BROKE UP WITH ME OKAY! You happy now? Are you glad I told you! Let's throw a fucking parade!"

James stared at me.

'Logan.." Carlos whispered while slowly moving towards me.

"Just, just go away!" I cried out as I ran out the door.

I always run away from these situations. But I can't just break down right there in front of Kendall. I walked into the lobby. I saw Camille. I wiped my tears and went over to here.

"Hello Camille!"

"Oh hi Logan" she gave me a snobby attitude

"..Did I do something wrong?"

"I heard that you broke up with Kendall. The whole Palm Woods knows. Well, nobody wants to hurt or make fun of you anymore. Except me!"

"Well that's go-Wait why you?"

"How could you hurt Kendall like that? He loved you didn't he? Don't answer that! You know he did! Is it another girl? Another guy?"

"Camille you have got it all wrong, I promise?"

"Whatever Logan. I have got to go." Her shoulder hit me as she walked past. '_Great now everyone hates me' _

"Hey guitar dude! Can I borrow your guitar?" Guitar dude was sitting in the middle of the lobby.

"Sure man! I have an extra one to use, just don't break it, alright man?"

'I won't, I just want to write a song"

I ran up to 2J to grab a pick. Kendall had been teaching me to play guitar for the past 2 months now. When I walked into the room I went straight to the desk drawer. When I finally found my pick I looked up. Kendall was opening the door.

"Oh, hi Kendall." I had to suck it up eventually. So why not now.

He walked right pass me and went to his bed.

"Dude, we can still be friends right?"

"I just don't want to deal with you right now, k?" Kendall scoffed.

"What the hell? Just because we broke up, doesn't mean we still can't be the best friends we used to be." "Right?" I was fighting back tears.

Silence.

I walked out of 2J and straight up to the roof with a notebook and pen. And I started writing.

_I still remember the look on your face_

_Lit through the darkness at 12:58(__**1)**_

___The words that you whispered for just us to knowY_

_ou told me you loved me so why did you go away, away_

Tears slowly started down my face

_I do recall now the smell of the rain_

_Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane_

_That July 9th the beat of your heart_

_It jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your arms_

_But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is I don't know_

_How to be something you miss_

I tried my hardest not to sob.

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

Kendall….

_I do remember the swing of your step_

_The life of the party, you're showing off again_

_And I roll my eyes and then you pulled me in_

_I'm not much for dancing but for you I did_

_Because I loved your handshake, meeting my father_

_I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets_

_How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something_

_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

_And I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is I don't know_

_How to be something you miss_

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips, ohh_

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_

_And I'll feel you forget me like I use to feel you breathe_

_And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are_

_Hope it's nice where you areAnd I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day_

_And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed_

_We can plan for a change in weather and time_

_I never planned on you changing your mind_

_So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is I don't knowHow to be something you miss_

_I never thought we'd ever last kissNever imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last kiss, forever the name on my lips_

_Forever the name on my lips, just like our last _

I laid down the guitar and sobbed. '_Everybody hates you' 'Kendall is gone.' 'Your friends despise you.' 'Gustavo doesn't want you in the band' 'Who needs you in this world?' 'That's right NOBODY' _The voice inside my head was right. I am worthless. Nobody would miss me if I committed suicide. So why not? I hate myself already. In a little over an hour I had my suicide note ready, the guitar back to guitar and all my hidden goodbyes to loved ones. It's not or never.

* Kendall's POV*

It hurt what I was doing to Logan. I had to give him some time. The plan was working though. People stopped harming my, I mean, Logan.

I woke up around 2 am ish, from the front door slamming. I walked out into the kitchen, to find a note, attached on the back was a song.

I picked up.

"_To whom it may concern,_

_I'm leaving. Leaving this world. Leaving my life. I have gotten to the point where I hate myself and nobody loves me. Here is my goodbye:_

_Mrs. Knight, please don't be distraught by this. I love you like a mother, and I forever will. I just couldn't do it anymore. Life isn't worth it anymore._

_James, I'm sorry about your comb, I left you one on your side counter. I feel terrible. I love you like a bro. You've always been there for me. And even when you weren't you always came back. I wish that the last time we would of ever spoken wasn't that fight, but I want you to know that I still love you man._

_Carlos, I love you too. Sorry about your helmet also. As much as I had gotten annoyed with you at times, I still loved how hyper and awesome you are. Never change okay? _

_Everyone at the Palm woods, I know you guys still thought of me as a friend, even though you ridiculed me. It's not my fault, I was gay, and you were homophobic. And Camille, one day you'll be a famous actress and you'll have everything you ever wanted. I'll miss you. I truly will. Never give up on your dreams._

_And Kendall, I love you. I'm in love with you, even though you don't want me anymore, I always will. You are amazing. Everything about you is flawless. Don't think this is your fault, it isn't. I love you. I know I keep writing that, but I want to get it in as much times as possible. Chase your dreams, and don't change. Don't you ever change. I'll miss you the most Kendork (: I love you._

_I love you all_

_Love,_

_Logan_

_Ps. You whisper I Love You Logan in your sleep still Kendall. You did as soon as I left, so please don't think you never got to say goodbye….I love you too (:_

I broke down crying.

"Logie, no! Don't go! I love you!"

"Please don't kill yourself"

'_I have to go find him' 'Where is the first place he would go, and the last place we would think of going…' '…..the roof! He hates heights!…DON'T JUMP LOGIE!"_

I grabbed the note and ran to the roof. I opened the door to the roof and prayed it wasn't to late….

**CLIFFHANGER! Will I kill Logan off? Who knows.**

**Oh and also, as much you think Kendall is being an ass, remember he doesn't mean a word he is saying to Logan**

**This actually hurt to write. I don't like the thought of suicide, but it felt necessary for this. There are only a few chapters left in the story :D**

**So tell me what you think!**

**(1) I changed it to 12:58 because it was closer to 12 than 1:58 :D**


	8. Chapter 8 Don't Jump

**Woohoo! Finally updating in a timely manner! :D **

**But this one is going to be SHORT. The shortest one I've written so far. I didn't have much time to write this, so I felt this chapter ended well. **

**There are more chapters to come. But I'm starting to debate whether or not I'm going to make this longer than originally planned.**

**But anyways, on with the story!**

*Logan's POV*

It was time. Time to leave. I thought I might've been doing something wrong though, I was crying, do you cry when you're about to commit suicide? Or are you supposed to be happy? I slowly made my way up to the roof. I walked on the hard gravel, towards the edge. I chose the back edge, So if I happened to survive the fall, I would be hit by oncoming traffic, I would never survive that. But, I stood there for a couple minutes, saying the very last goodbyes in my head. '_It's now or never Logan' _I had one foot over the edge and then- I had been pushed. But not over the edge, to the side, far from the edge, by a crying man.

"Hey whoever the fuck you are let me go!" I screamed. I still couldn't see the face of the man that was holding me.

"Let. Me. Go!" I screamed.

"I c-can't l-let you do this L-Logie" I knew that voice.

"Kendall?" I whispered, finally looking at the man who had pushed me.

"WHAT THE FUCK WHERE YOU THINKING!" Kendall yelled

"I-" He didn't let me finish that sentence

"NO YOU WEREN'T THINKING!"

"Kendall, I-I just couldn't live anymore. Between James and Carlos hating me, and the Palm woods bullying me and you hating me! I just couldn't take-"

"You-you think I h-hate you?" Kendall whispered.

"Yeah, you sure act like you do." "Just because you whispered I love you Logan in your sleep doesn't mean you actually love me Kendall. I know you read that note. And now your probably pissed, because you think, I think you still love me and that I'm a fucking-" I was cut off my a pair of lips. Kendall kissed me. The Kendall Knight that broke up with _me_ was kissing me. I must be dead. This can't be real.

"Logie, I _never_ stopped loving you." Kendall said as he cupped my face.

"T-then why-why did you-you break u-up with me?" I hadn't realized I was still crying.

"I thought that, the criticizing and all the bullying would go down. That if we broke up, the Palm Woods kids would stop bullying you, and it worked! That's why I told everyone that _you_ broke up with _me_. But then you go and pull a stupid stunt like this! What where you thinking Logie! I could've lost you forever!" Kendall pulled his hands away from my face and cupped his. He was sobbing.

"Kendall don't cry. I'm here. I'm alive!"

"But you c-c-could've been d-dead, if I hadn't w-woken u-up"

"But I'm alive and okay. And I'm not going to go through with it anymore."

Kendall sniffled some more. Kendall wiped away his tears and stood up straight.

"Come on, let's get you home" Kendall said as he helped me up.

"Um, Kendall?"

"Ya?"

"Can you not tell the others about tonight?"

"Your secret is safe with me. Just promise me something?"

"What?"

"Stay with me _forever_" Kendall whispered into my ear.

"Now, that's a promise I'm able to keep." I answered back.

Kendall's eyes lit up and his smile got wider. It's almost as if he feared I wasn't going to go back to him.

"Kendall?" I asked as we got through the door of 2J

"Mmhmm?"

"Did you think that I wasn't going to go back to you tonight?"

He paused before answering.

"I honestly thought you would blow up. I wouldn't of taken me back if I were you. But let's not dwell on things right now, let's just, get some rest." Kendall obviously didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay.."

When we walked into our room Kendall grabbed something out of his pocket and placed it in his trashcan.

"Um..what was that?" I asked

'Your suicide note" Kendall whispered.

"No need for it now." Kendall spoke up.

"Oh. Kendall, I'm so sorry I put you through all of this, in such a quick amount of time-" (1) I was interrupted.

"No, you don't get to apologize, there is no need for you to"

"But-"

"No buts." Kendall smiled at me.

Kendall climbed into bed. I soon went into my bed, thinking about Kendall. I couldn't get him off my mind. I was so stupid. I wouldn't of ever saw him again if I went through with what I wanted to do tonight. Stupid! The thought of never seeing my boyfriend again made me start cry. Normally, I wouldn't but tonight, is just an emotional night.

"Logan are you okay?"

I sobbed harder. Whenever somebody asks me that I always start crying even more!

"Logie, it's alright."

"That's the-the r-reason why I-I'm crying!"

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked worriedly.

"I-I n-never would've saw y-you again if-if I would've d-done t-that! Just thinking about it hurts!" I said

"But you didn't and now you get to see my everyday" Kendall said. He smiled at me

"C-can you s-sleep with m-me tonight?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course" Kendall smiled.

And that night me and Kendall fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.


	9. Author Note PLEASE READ! VERY IMPORTANT

**I am so terribly sorry…**

**But my Kogan story will be discontinued along with my Jomille one.**

**Not for serious reasons, just the fact that I am not apart of the BTR fandom anymore. It no longer interests me. **

**But if any of you are interested in continuing the story, leave me your email in my inbox, and I will email all the documents and you can upload them, and you can continue the story.**

**First come, first serve, so the first to inbox me will be the first to get the story. If you do get chosen to continue it, please credit me for the chapters I wrote. Thank you.**

**Love,**

**Gillian.**


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